There are days I wake up and feel as unstoppable as a King, and days where I feel as capable as an ant. I have in the meantime, been on a “break” taking some classes, that have really helped me see the world better. And, the longer I have been on this “break” in life, the more perspective it has given me. With the important layer of procedural growth, it has also shown me insight through an introspective lens. I have become more in tune with the realities of life, and learned important lessons and techniques to cope with its absurdities.
It has garnered a new era of understanding and reconciliation with my self and others that I never deemed possible. The understanding lies in the very basic idea that we all want the same thing; We all want to feel nourished (physically and emotionally), to feel secure, respected and desired. We want to feel like we have something worthy to bring to the table. It is here, when one or more of these needs are not met that we feel disappointed and deprived from our sense of self and of others. The process and threat thus begins when we feel hurt and consistently feel that something is missing, and since we have lived so long with those deprived feelings, we become convinced that they are “normal”.
The reconciliation process is one that I am involved in at the moment, trying to educate myself about my self, and the basic needs of human beings alike. This knowledge I have found, which is ongoing, can be a profound motivating tool for seeing the inner beauties of life. In these inner beauties, are the inner layers of that blend of feelings of insecurity, love, compassion, fear, and a will to do good in life. Once these emotions are illuminated in front of you, and you see the true intentions of each individual, which are not really so different than yours, you can breathe easier, and reconcile your self with your environment much more freely.
I have seen the passion in the eyes of the hurt, and have seen their desire to be part of their environment. I too am still hurting and coping with what I see now as was my disengagement with life and reality. I thankfully am in the process of reconciling with life and reality, to see what truly brings joy to my life. It is not the money, fame and material wealth, but the ability to look into somebody’s eyes and see them for who they are, and appreciate the different shades that exist in all of us. Life would not be monolithic ever after, once we begin to reconcile and see the beauty beyond the physical features that manifest and blind us from the more vivid and defined colours, integrated in our individuality and inner beauty that we all share in common, deep down.